Why do these damn resolutions never work?! I think it’s because they start with our glass half-full. Our thoughts start out with “I don’t have something–and how will I ever get it I get it?” Perhaps that’s followed with the thought “I’m don’t deserve it” or “I can’t ever have that anyway.” I devised a plan for 2015 to turn this around and it starts with filling the glass with love.
Often we struggle with who we are. We turn against our own nature. The thing is if there is one truth in the world it is our consistent nature. On a certain level we are who we are and it isn’t changing. We can mellow or shift but if you’re a leader, you’re always going to feel a little out of place following. So why not just own it? The amazing thing is, when you accept who you are, you begin to realize how beneficial it is, and then use it to your advantage. Let me offer an example.
During our Urban Silent Retreat at Reflections this January I spoke about a person who wanted adventure in her life.This is how it went:
A person wants more adventure in her life. She is starting with a lack “I don’t have adventure and I want it.”
The question is “What stops her from getting it?” What stops anyone from change? FEAR. “I would love to climb that big mountain but I’m afraid.” Perhaps the fear is around getting hurt, or lost, or a host of other possible outcomes. Often the next thought is an attack against one’s own nature: I will never be adventurous, I’m just a chicken! When we attack who we are I call that the INVERTED YOU. The you that hasn’t realized the greatness that you are. What if what you really are is prudent, not chicken. Maybe you are a person who needs the details to feel safe? The truth is I’d rather climb the mountain with that person than the person who always forgets the map (that would be me)!
So far we have two steps to this “use self love to change” story
- Face your fear. “I’m afraid of getting hurt.”
- Discover a love of your nature. “I want adventure but my nature is prudent. I’m not chicken, just careful.”
Knowing that there are things you “are” that will never change, like your height or your prudent self, how do you get up that damn mountain? Again, you must first discover the beauty of your nature and then you can use it. I’m fairly certain there will be no chance of real change without real love. Once you can see that holding back and not barreling up the mountain isn’t a bad thing then you can invite real change in the door. Here comes step three.
Since you can’t change your blueprint or your inside world then what is left? What you can change is your outside world. If you want adventure, then I hang around with the adventurous, not the dude taking photos from the lookout point or the people pulling up on the tour bus. Make adventure part of your outer world and soon enough it will be just what you do. You will start to walk the walk and talk the talk in your own way – according to your special nature. You will be the prudent adventurist! Who knows, you might even get picked to lead everyone up the mountain because you have the best safety protocol!