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Whose Life Is It Anyway? Ramblings on life, yoga, romance, money, sex, life, yoga, art, music, life and life.

What's in a Moment?

Someone once told me that all we have are a series of moments and when strung together they make up a life; and that each moment has within it  the possibility to change everything. I have been given the opportunity to see this many times in my life. Cataclysmic life shifts or simple rumbles have come and in one single instant shifted everything I thought I was so delicately weaving into the design of "my" future.

We have seen the fragility of life time and again this very year. A strange weather pattern,  a misguided child or financial leaders that have lost their way — suddenly our lives are changed forever. One could think, what is the point of planning, designing or desiring, we have no real control?  I have shared so much of my story with you over these years hoping that in the honesty you might see yourself in my stories and together we can gain a glimmer of understanding into how fragile and beautiful it is to be human. I'd like to share a bit more of how I see the enigmatic experience of not just living– but living in life's embrace. 

I will confess I am a woman who needs a plan. I plan and dream endlessly. I exhaust those around me with my "new ideas". I am often humbled by life and yet can truthful say I have always gotten what I wanted — without fail. Ironically, it rarely looked like my more Hollywood fantasy — Tall, dark, handsome, yet the essence came through one hundred percent. The more clear my intentions the easier it was manifest what I wanted from life. If there was no doubt, fear or gripping desire, if my intentions where not "I want a million dollars", but instead of a higher vibration, "I want to do good work and serve many", it came to me seamlessly. The times that I kept my eyes and heart open I could reach and embrace each experience as if I had chosen it — because I had. That would include both the light and the dark. There were many times I had clearly delivered myself into the arms of darkness because there was something my soul still needed to learn. I am forever grateful for those times and certainly hope they come with a lighter stick next time around! 

I have meticulously planned what my life needed to look like with a closed and judging fist. I thought if I wavered it would send a message that I didn't want it enough. Never have a plan B is what I would tell myself.  Over the years I have slowly released that fist and allowed my fingers to move along life's canvas so that a clear energy could be felt in the colours and strokes, leaving the details to stay an enigma. I am learning to feel excitment instead of anxiety about what still remains unsaid.

Life asks us to sit present for all the changes it has to offer, without clinging to the ones we like and turning from those we don't. This is no easy task so the deep loving heart of Yoga offers the concept of "The Gunas" to help guide our way.The Gunas are qualities of nature to help us understand and move with a bit more grace. Each Guna has an energy: passion, darkness and balance and all their nuances. They come in an out of our lives like waves, one stepping back so the other can move forward. All three are equal in importance and cannot exist without the others. They depend on each other like the inhale counts on the exhale. They are an intricate weave: passion can dip into balance and balance into darkness or any other combination you can image. One moment we are happy and the next tearful — always a new quality there for us to savour. When we don't hold too tightly, we are released into another wave of experience as we know intuitively the fullness of life could never exist in one single dimension. Being the obsever of these changes and allowing them to pass through us is how we engage with life fully and what practicing the Gunas have given me the tools to do. I am certain to be forever a student here. Desire and wanting are formitable characters in my journey.

As we begin to fill the canvas for 2013 can we do so with excitement and determination as well as curiosity? Can we understand that it is a co-creation between you and life?  We must ask but also open our eyes and hearts to accept what we have been given as if we have chosen it because we have.


If Paula's story resonated with you and you would like to start 2013 with self reflection, check out our Winter Urban Silent Retreat at Reflections Studio on Jan 5th and 6th.  No better way to learn about thyself than in silence. Shhhh…..