The 1970’s social psychologist Eric Fromm posited that our first relationship is with the world – it is at the point of entry that success or struggle is decided.
Other experts tell us that self-love is often referenced by who loves us and what we love or don't love about another. These are conditions – is love mostly about conditions and attributes then? If that is true, I can't help but feel we are cutting love short. Isn't there more to this powerful emotion? Isn’t love “all we need”, in the words of John Lennon?
Recently, I was speaking to a dear friend, discussing how I saw him and what I thought he might do as an occupation. I was explaining what I thought were his talents and strengths. I saw many he had never considered or perhaps was too afraid think possible. I mentioned that others see us so clearly, much clearer than we can hope to see ourselves. His reply struck me. He said "But it matters how people see you". That sent my mind going.
I thought of times that a true love had looked at me and saw deep beauty. With that one look I felt more beautiful than Aphrodite & Laksmi combined. Then I remembered how ugly I felt in the eyes of another. I thought of the times teachers and mentors believed in me and their confidence became my own.
I wondered why we spend time reflecting anything other than what is beautiful in a person? What in us makes us say things that hurt or make it harder for the people we reflect to be other than radiant? Why are we so afraid to tell another that we love them or that they are wonderful, even if they might not say it in return?
With all these questions reeling in my head I turned to the law of karma for some guidance. Karma tells us that when we speak the words of love we hear them first. On an energetic level we reap the benefits of these words, perhaps stronger than the person they were meant for. It tells us the opposite is true as well.
Stop for a second and drop into your heart after you have said something hurtful. If you’re honest, you would have to confess that it feels like a kick to the stomach. You are feeling the energy of negative karma. If this is true then why not use every word to lift and honor a person. What we see in them is really what we see in ourselves. I don't know if it is true, but I don't want to be bound by the success or struggle of my "point of entry". When we choose the beauty we are consciously making our karma here and now. That makes our words — and more importantly, our love — powerful beyond our knowing!