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Whose Life Is It Anyway? Ramblings on life, yoga, romance, money, sex, life, yoga, art, music, life and life.

What is real intimacy?

Yoga is a wonderful practice that can awaken many things in a person. In my experience what it does when it is at its best is help us to slow down, get connected and feel. Its a way to develop a relationship with ourselves. It teaches the value of presence — and true intimacy.  Having sex was sometimes  something I would do to avoid intimacy. I think this could be true for many.  So  what is intimacy anyhow? Maybe this story can help explain. 

I recently taught a course called “Yoga – A tool for transformation”. One of the rules was NO SEX.  I have come to learn that people hate to hear that they can’t do something even if it’s for their own good. Even though i was aware of this aversion I didn’t bother to explain why, because I believed  it was something they needed to discover on their own.

A few weeks went by and the group grew closer, sharing their thoughts and feelings about many things. They talked about what pained their heart. They discussed what brought them a joy far beyond happiness. They cried and laughed together for many days and nights. I watched, what was once a group of perfect strangers, ask to be held and have their tears dried by a classmate. I watched them fall in love with themselves and one another.

One day one of the men in the course, who had mentioned he was struggling with lustful thoughts, turned to the group and explained that during this time together he got to experience real intimacy in a way he had never known it could be.  From and honest and vulnerable place he told us he would not have traded those moments — that having sex would have tarnished them in someway.

How could I have told them that they would feel deep love and that love would open them to true intimacy? Who can explain the beauty of true intimacy? There are simply no words.  My fear that they would confuse those feeling and believe that love/intimacy would then have to culminate is some sexual act was never realized.  Instead they came to understand this on their own.

Have you looked into the eyes of your beloved? Have you asked what makes them happy or sad? Do you feel free to ask to be held on a bad day? Can you cry in their lap with no shame? If you haven’t, forget the flowers this Valentine’s day, and give real intimacy a try.

Does this story resonate with you?  Check out Paula’s Partner Thai Massage Workshop for Couples Here.